Become a Corporate Executive and Travel the World

And all on the Company Dime

In the last few weeks I have received emails from a few readers who felt the need to remind me of a travel job that is often overlooked on this website: That of the corporate executive.

This glamorous lifestyle involves traveling from one city to the next flying in business class, staying at high end hotels around the world and eating caviar and sushi while you look down on the working class. Sounds like a dream, right?

It doesn't have to be a dream anymore.

Here's How
First off, you need to decide how much travel you want to do and where. Lots of it and all over the world? Then do some research on what companies have facilities or clients around the world. That is going to be your target. Try to find a conglomerate so you can be even more of a corporate drone who's making the man rich.

Keep in mind there are a lot of Business to Business companies that are taking roots all over the world and need people to travel. Plus with the US outsourcing everything overseas and monopolizing local competition throughout the world(Wal-Mart) there are more jobs than ever which will require employees to travel internationally.

You can find most corporate jobs being advertised on Monster or Hotjobs because that is where the highest quality workers come from. The Internet.

Common positions within companies that require lot of travel includes corporate trainers, VP of this and Senior Executive VP of that, and if you're shooting for Spain or Latin America it's called the Señor Executive VP of that.

Special Tip: In the corporate world the more adjectives and capital letter abbreviations you have on your title, the more important you are. Thanks for the ego boost!

When you do land a job with a faceless conglomerate you may not be on the traveling roster right away. This can take years and you might have to wait for someone to quit or be fired before that perfect travel position opens up. This is where patience and sex tapes come in very handy.

This is going to take lots of waiting through stupid jokes and lame christmas parties but when that opportunity presents itself, it is time to shine. You could be traveling all over the world to each corporate location or perhaps even have your own region which you are responsible for.

Useful skills which will help you land a corporate job include public speaking, sales, and a false sense of superiority. Can you laugh at jokes that aren't really that funny? Perfect, because to move up in the corporate world you will have to do lots of that.

And don't you think of telling a joke that is actually funny, because the odds are that you will be fired at the hint of offending someone. Hence the rule, if it isn't offensive, then it isn't funny.

And the Perks?
It's not just the gold watch after 15 years of service or the Employee of the year award that you have to look forward to in the corporate world.

One of the real perks is that after climbing the corporate ladder long enough, when you do become important others will laugh at your jokes even though your jokes are stale, irrelevant and outdated.

Want proof ? Go ahead and reference that Saved By The Bell episode where Zach gets in trouble for having a fake ID and compare it to your companies 3rd quarter corporate spending trends.
If they laugh then you must be important. If not, then you have work to do.

Don't forget that while traveling to each country you will feel like a god amoungst the locals who have no choice but to work for slave wages and pretend to care about your company.

And with all this traveling who needs to go on vacation? Just imagine how cultured you will get after going to all these countries, talking about work and eating only the food that you are familiar with. Save those receipts!

The excitement never ends while you're away being the companies Road Warrior, spreading the gospel on Why non slip shoes are better for customers and How to manage interior sales in an overtly unstable economic environment.

Truly riveting stuff.

While this career move sounds perfect, it does have a few drawbacks.
First off, you have technology creeping in on your turf. With Skype all you need these days is a good internet connection and you can have video conferences. That means you can preach the corporate bible without even leaving the office. But wait, that's not what you signed up for.

Some of the challenges of being a corporate road warrior can be very difficult to deal with. The loneliness, corporate indoctrination, and innapropriate relations with secretaries who think you are important are all very taxing on a persons mental stamina and medical bill.

This lifestyle will lead to increased drinking. Not the fun kind of drinking either. It's the kind of drinking that puts you at the end of the airport bar staring blankly at the mirror waiting for some kind of response, knowing you've abandoned all that you ever held dear and pissed-out the fire of your childhood dreams to become a destitute straw husk of a man.

Now that is what I call success!

So if you are interested in a monotonous and alcoholism-inducing job that sends you around the world to eat hotel food and check your blackberry then work as a corporate suit.